A Cheatsheet to Difficult Holiday Convos
Ho-Ho-Hold on a Minute.
Seeing family over the holidays—especially those you don't see eye to eye with—can be extra frustrating. And it's been a big year of divisive politics. Here's a cheatsheet to help respond to the types of issues you, our audience, have asked us for support explaining to friends & family.
Two reminders before we dive in:
Often, the fear of not knowing exactly what to say can make us scared to engage in social justice conversations. But those of us with privilege have the responsibility to call out offensive, harmful & oppressive language when we hear it - even (and especially) within our own families.
And also: a reminder to protect your energy, especially if you are systemically neglected. Listening to someone say something insulting or harmful (esp about your own community) can be incredibly hurtful. It is not your job as a marginalized person to 'teach' someone with privilege about oppression and equity — folks with privilege have a responsibility to do that work and bring their kin with them.
"There are too many immigrants in this country and they're stealing our jobs"
What we know:
Unless you are Indigenous or descendants of enslaved people, you are an immigrant or a descendent of immigrants in this country.
Most non-white immigrants are coming to Canada for a better life because of the colonization and imperialism that caused systemic chaos and destabilization of their country - which Canada, via our colonial parent Britain, benefited from. Too often, our discussions fail to include the stolen lives, resources and land that colonizers took, the lack of reparations or the rewriting of history and the erasure of this truth.
What you can say:
Many im/migrants are forced to work jobs with less than a livable wage and/or face many systemic barriers to better work and lives. Far too often the systemic inequities they experience are ignored - unless white people start to experience them too. It is against many barriers that systemically neglected communities find success here which is a testament to the tenacity and resilience of these communities.
"We should ban abortions in Canada too"
What we know:
Abortion is healthcare. Abortion is human rights. A pregnant person has to have their human rights upheld - before, during and after pregnancy. Regardless of personal preference we don't get to tell another person who is pregnant what they should do with their bodies.
What you can say:
Abortion restrictions—as we saw in the overturning of Roe v. Wade in the US—are not protecting lives; they are endangering and punishing pregnant people.
Forcing someone to carry an unwanted or unsafe pregnancy in a country with a failing healthcare system, inconsistent childcare options, an underfunded public education system, and an overfilled child welfare system rife with systemic inequities isn't pro-life. Further, many politicians who champion forced-birth are wealthy enough to know the rules won't apply to them. They'll always have access to abortions (something many of them have already taken advantage of), what will be removed is access to safe abortions.
"The Freedom Convoy might have had a few bad apples, but it was fighting for freedom"
What we know:
The 'Freedom' Convoy was an occupation led by known white supremacists who used far-right tactics to lure everyday people to their cause. There were known hate symbols on display, and that is never acceptable. Those involved became complicit in the widespread inciting of white supremacy and violence to the people in Ottawa and systemically neglected communities across Canada.
What you can say:
When we use the phrase a few bad apples,' we decide to discount the impacts of what has happened to instead focus on the intentions of a select few. We need to address that harm, not debate the intentions of a few.
The reality is, this predominantly white people-filled occupation was fueled partly by far-right tactics of division and hate, and also by the fact that because white people are accustomed to a certain level of privilege, inconvenience can feel like oppression - when it isn't.
"Why are you making everything about race?"
What we know:
Everything is about race because our systems are rooted in white supremacy via colonization. Canada is built on stolen wealth, land and resources, the genocide of Indigenous peoples, and the Trans Atlantic Slave Trade. Just because it was intentionally kept out of your history class doesn't mean it isn't true. For those of us from the Global Majority (non-whites), colonization has created a culture of dividing us. So while reverse racism is not a thing, we can be guilty of having prejudice and racist tendencies toward other people of colour.
What you can say:
In recent years we've come to understand Canada's truth and untold history - with Residential Schools, the ongoing genocide of Indigenous peoples, the continued anti-Black racism, etc. Marginalized communities are systemically neglected because these systems weren't built with them in mind. So our country is racist, and denying it won't change it - so what remains is determining if you want to be complicit to racist systems or do you want to do better?
"Trudeau is driving our country into the ground, we need Poilievre"
What we know:
Look, do we think Trudeau is doing enough? No.
Do we think Pierre Poilievre is the answer -fuck no.
If you value human rights and believe in meeting the basic needs of all people in a wealthy country (better housing, public transit, public education, public healthcare, livable wages, a livable planet, etc.,) - the Conservative party is not addressing these issues.
What you can say:
Poilievre has effectively bridged the far-right with right-winged politics as CPC leader, has been endorsed by Sandy Hook-denier Alex Jones, and has been courting misogynists for over four years. The right aligns with the far right, which is known for its white supremacy beliefs, anti-science, anti-human rights, hate and division. The thing is, they are really sneaky about how they spread this. They say what they need to say to get you to listen, lull you into thinking you are on the same side, tricking you into helping them make the rich to get richer, and the poor get poorer.
"Let's not make everything so political all the time"
What we know:
Unless you are ultra-rich, politics impacts every part of your life. Are politics easy to follow? No. Are they easy to participate in? Also no. Are politicians great people? Not necessarily. So yes, politics can be annoying, but that doesn't mean they don't matter. The social inequities we see today are a result of politics and will require politics to systemically, and comprehensively address them.
What you can say:
Our hospitals, schools, roads, public safety, jobs, wages, benefits, retirement, highways, environment, etc., are all related to politics.
Meet them at the issues they care about: if you are frustrated at the education system, don't blame teachers - but rather our provincial government.
If you think your prescription was too expensive, don't blame pharmacists, it's our government's fault for not giving us pharmacare.
"Not all cops are bad"
What we know:
Policing systems are not equipped to respond to all societal issues—these funds must be shifted to the underfunded community services equipped to make these changes. Not only that, investing in better education, housing, health care access, and mental health services reduces crime rates by up to 50% in communities.
What you can say:
The Abolition/Defund movement isn't about whether any individual is "good" or "bad" but about dismantling a harmful system based on white supremacy and control, disproportionately harming marginalized communities. Let's focus on this system's impact rather than any individual's intent.
And police aren't just ineffective - as we've seen in the brutal murder of Breonna Taylor, of George Floyd, police are actively causing harm - and disproportionately harming marginalized communities.
Holiday Lights & Human Rights
We have the responsibility to call out offensive, harmful & oppressive language when we hear it - even (and especially) within our own families. Advocating for and uplifting communities, even when they're not seated at the table, is an important step in fighting for our collective liberation.
If the fear of not knowing exactly what to say scares you away from these conversations: do your homework. Get your news from sources with a strong critical lens and educate yourself on the issues that matter.
And yes, these conversations can be exhausting, but part of protecting your energy is building your capacity and endurance to have uncomfortable conversations. That includes learning to notice when and why you get agitated or defensive, how to redirect the conversation to productive arguments, and how to rest and reflect afterward to inform future discussions.
