Definition: Feminist Killjoy

OCP Dictionary

Mar. 21

Feminist Killjoy (n.)

"Someone who feels uncomfortable with the status quo in society, someone who speaks up about them, and who works to change them so that the world is more equitable for everyone"
- Erin Wunker

Feminist Killjoy is a term coined by scholar Sara Ahmed, used to describe someone who is:

A) Uncomfortable with the norms of society. This means someone who recognizes the patriarchal, racist, and classist systems that exist and does not stand for them.
AND, importantly:
B) Someone who speaks up against these systems and their ideals in public situations.

Are you a feminist killjoy?

Have you done any of the following?

Called out your rude uncle about his misogynist or homophobic comment during a family dinner "Lilly Singh being bi isn't a phase, Uncle"
Been the notorious movie-pauser in your friend group "Can we talk about how that would never happen to a man?"
Boycotted brands, orgs, artists, celebrities, etc. that perpetuate harm
Been called inconsiderate for not mourning the Queen
Been told to stop bringing up "politics" "Sorry, but the personal is political Amber"
Been called a buzzkill for pointing out inequities of any kind

Reclaiming the term

Raising uncomfortable points is the bread & butter of feminist killjoys, and we are here for it.

While the term has a blatant negative connotation, it isn’t actually a bad thing.

Why?

Staying silent about issues like racism, homophobia, and misogyny in situations that perpetuate them makes you complicit.

And gorgeous, gorgeous girls know we can't be silent in situations of inequity because that means we're siding with the oppressor.

Why does society hate feminist killjoys?

Why are Feminist killjoys the ones carrying around externally placed guilt for speaking out against the real killjoys (aka misogynists/racists)?

Why would a woman speaking up against inequities women and gender-diverse folks experience, or disabled people, or BIPOC people, or poor people, etc., be labelled a "killjoy"?

Speaking truth to power is hard, and the people who speak up - especially when it is uncomfortable - should be celebrated, not treated like a problem.

And, no one benefits more from calling these women killjoys than the very men (and people in power) that uphold the status quo because it benefits them.

Working through discomfort

Talking about systems of oppression isn't something to be scared of.

If you are looking for something to be terrified of (or at least super annoyed with), it should be the systems of oppression and the people in power - not feminist killjoys speaking up about them.

It's the actual systems of oppression that have been normalized — i.e. systemic racism, homophobia, transphobia, and ableism against marginalized communities – that result in oppression, inequality, discrimination, harm and death.

The right to joy

It's important to also note that being a feminist killjoy isn't the only way to do good. Reclaiming the right to avenues of freedom and joy is an important way that marginalized folks can engage in (and sustain their) activism.

Lots of important justice work is about getting in good trouble. But to imagine the pursuit of fighting injustice as only possible through anguish and inevitable burnout ignores the rights systemically neglected communities have to joy, love and happiness, and the power of fueling the fight for justice with these.

See our post on Pleasure Activism in our IG Guide called OCP Dictionary.

To our fellow feminist killjoys

A white woman taking up space as a feminist killjoy will almost always be received better than a Black woman saying the same thing. It's important that as fellow feminist killjoys, we recognize our power and privilege so that we can help share the societal load of speaking the uncomfortable truths.

At the same time, it is not marginalized folks' job to constantly educate privileged folk about oppression. There should not be an expectation that women of colour need to switch into the role of a graceful and patient teacher while out with friends or colleagues. We all should be sharing the responsibility of being a feminist killjoy so that this unpaid and emotional labour is not required of our most marginalized people.

How to be a fierce, badass feminist killjoy

Look, you don't have to go from 0 to feminist theory expert overnight. Most of us know when something is being said that doesn't feel right. For example, before #MeToo, we felt why 'boys will be boys' was problematic, even if we didn't have an APA-cited explanation. It can be as simple as trusting that feeling and saying:

"hey Chad, what you just said is problematic - and you should reflect on that." and "sorry Chad, it's not my job to offer you a mini-seminar on human rights, but it is your job to be the best version of yourself."

Remember, what you are saying might not be received the way it deserves to be, and assess whether it's relatively safe enough for you to speak up. You may be pleasantly surprised by others agreeing with you!